"watching the flashbacks intertwine"

can you see the pale moonlight reflected against the ripples of the water? do you feel the cool summer night breeze brush against your bare back? i want to swim until every ounce of strength has left my arms and legs. i want to feel the relief that comes with complete exhaustion. i want that feeling, that realization that no more can be done, that it's all out of your hands now... just give in to the tiredness and let the water embrace you in its arms. what goes through your mind then i wonder? what do you feel as the last gasps of oxygen reach your brain? and what is the first thing you see when you wash up coughing against the muddy riverbank? do you see life differently? are your eyes now more clear? have you managed to find passion where there was none previously? have you discovered a meaning that was lacking before?
-------
my mind is a dijointed mosaic with pieces stolen from stills from cherished movies, chords from favorite songs, words from well-worn pages of much-loved books, and hazy memories of places and people and times. but i can't make out what the mosaic is supposed to be. all i see is a cacophony without any order, without semblance of form. there's a sadness that you can't drown with a drink or suffocate with smoke or replace with company or ignore with work... it's the sadness that no moment will ever come close to matching this one right now. you'll never be more beautiful to me than you are right now. and i will never love you more than right now, looking at you out of the corner of my eye from a distance.
-------
she asked me where had i been, and i didn't know what to tell her. i hate lying to her. i hate how she sees through all my bullshit. i hate how naked i always feel in front of her, i hate how perfect she is. i hate making her cry. i hate that she loves me so much. and when she asks me where have i been, i tell her i was with you. i tell her that i took you to all our special places and watched all our special films with you. i tell her that i kissed you in the rain under that tree where i first met her. and finally i tell her, that i'm in love with you.
-------

Current Mood: love
Current Music: finley quaye - dice

a few days ago i had a dream that i was sitting in my backyard when i saw this huge plane spin out of control and crash a few hundred yards from my home. i went online to see if there is any significance to all of this, and here is what i found:

Airplane Crash
To dream that a plane crashes, suggests that you have set overly high and unrealistic goals for yourself. Your goals may be too high and are impossible to realize. You are in danger of having it come crashing down. Alternatively, your lack of confidence, self-defeating attitude and self-doubt toward the goals you have set for yourself is represented by the crashing airplane; you do not believe in your ability to attain those goals. Loss of power and uncertainty in achieving your goals are also signified.

interesting. the next day i had a dream about being in an exam, but not knowing any of the answers and consequently failing. here's what they had to say about that:

To dream that you are taking an exam, indicates that you are being put to the test or being scrutinized in some way. Such dreams highlight your feelings of being anxious and agitated. You may find that you cannot answer any of the questions on the test or that the test is in some foreign language. Is time running out and you find that you can not complete the exam in the allowed time? Or are you late to the exam? Does your pencil keep breaking during the exam? Such factors contribute to you failing this test. These dreams usually have to do with your self-esteem and confidence or your lack of. You are worried that you are not making the grade and measuring up to other people's expectations of you. You may also experience the fear of not being accepted, not being prepared, or not being good enough. You feel nervous, insecure and tend to believe the worst about yourself.

strange...

Current Mood: pensive
Current Music: inaudible melodies

its as simple as something that nobody knows and my eyes are as big as her bubbly toes...

been home for four days, and already feeling a bit stale.  tomorrow i should start the undertaking of some projects.  film first, writing second.  technically the writing has to come before the film.  so lets see what happens tomorrow.  i should hopefully get a solid treatment on paper for this never-ending dream of mine to have a solid film done by the end of the summer.  rooftop films 2005...rooftop films 2005...

also, im starting the research process for the lsat.  yipes, standardized tests return to haunt me.  i was going through one of my brother's old lsat books, just to get a feel for some example questions, considering i have/had no idea what the hell the test was about.  let me just say, it does not take a genius to master that test, but, it does take a lot of preparation.  and for once, time is on my side.

meet me in the mind.

Pre-Hyptnotized Peter

What Office Space character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Marijuana. Mary Jane, Weed, Pot, Chronic,
dank, Ganja, the sticky green...The easiest of
all drugs. You're not particular, you'll f%&k
anyone up, and for that reason, EVERYONE's on
your case...harsh, dude.

What Drug Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

devdude006's LJ stalker is nickorbenick!

nickorbenick is stalking you because you made a nasty comment on their LJ. They are also mentally deranged!

Current Mood: content
Current Music: radiohead - there there

and now, a poem:

i gather up
each sound
you left behind
and stretch them
on our bed
each night
i breathe you
and become high.

Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: bush - come down (acoustic)

you can't mess with home.

seriously.

go anywhere you want for college. travel 3,000 miles east, get as far away as you possibly can.

but you just can't mess with the feeling of coming home after six months of dealing with the worst accent in the history of the universe, boston.

oh there are the benefits. but they are outweighed by the never-ending winter months.

so to conclude: college is great, but when you get to come home, plan on doing nothing.

which is why i am so glad to be back.

Current Mood: at peace after six months
Current Music: franz ferdinand - take me out

heard them say, poisoned hearts will never change. turned away in disgrace, felt the chill upon my face. hard to notice, gleaming from the sky, when you're staring at the cracks. hard to notice what is passing by, with eyes lowered.

you'll have to excuse the somberness of this entry, but im on the cusp of a weekend full of work. but on the upside, i did wind up getting a handsome paycheck from ye olde babson library for 234 buxx.

so here's the work i need to complete this weekend

1. finish reading i begin my life all over, 180 pages
2. complete take-home portion of quiz 3
3. complete first draft of paper 2, 10 pages
4. study for quiz 4 on monday
5. compile exhibits and assignments into portfolio
6. stat problem set 6

oh the joys of summer school

just one more week of this...

Current Mood: calm before the storm
Current Music: zwan - endless summer

if everyone would stop and listen.

can you hear me? or has my voice been lost in the cacophony of jarring sounds of competing voices, the beating of a thousand hearts not in sync, or the varied grasping of air of a thousand pair of lungs?

did God look down on me as i looked up up at him? or does God avoid evangelical cathedrals built to house a royal family crypt?

there's something soothing about being out late at night. it's so quiet. everything is so much clearer. you have blissful slumber to look forward to. everything gets old after a while. people, relationships, places, money, clothes, toys... they all lose their luster. you think a girl is so beautiful and then you undo the wrapping and find out that all is not what you hoped it would be. life is so real and so exhilirating while you're playing. but when you walk out with your wallet full of money it didn't have before, it doesn't seem to mean anything anymore. it was like a mirage. and even the money doesn't really change anything. what's another pair of pumas or another lacoste polo? what's another overpriced dinner with another cute girl? how has life changed?

there's something scary about life getting stale. there's something scary about not truly knowing who you are. one day you realize that you've been so scared of being stereotyped that you no longer recognize the person in the mirror. you don't remember why buying those things and hanging out with certain people and going to certain clubs and drinking hard, and all those other things were so important. who were you trying to impress?

Current Mood: looking toward the sun
Current Music: pod - eternal

im editing this for the purpose of maintaining my sanity.

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: lloyd banks - when the chips are down

because only during this time of year can you actually get all your work done by 5 PM, and have an entire evening to do whatever the feezy you want.

i got a job working at the babson library. its a decent way to make some cash while simultaneously being forced into a homework frame of mind.

i want to do something to my car. something that just says naaaaaaaaasty. im figuring with the money ill start saving from this job, i could potentially afford either a set of some decent rims, or perhaps a nice body kit.

working on my night moves y'all

Current Mood: chillin'
Current Music: young buck - let me in

sometimes, even i am at a loss for words.

its 3:15 AM, and suddenly im inspired to write something.  nothing fancy, spectacular, or important.  just something that hasn't been said in quite some time.  without much ado...

if the eurythmics were to make another album, i'd buy it.  seriously, i am not joking on this one.  i can rock out to sweet dreams any day of the week.

bob segar should be credited as the stimulus behind the growing epidemic of teenage pregnancies.  how can you listen to his music and not wanna get freaky?

the lead singer of new found glory has the funniest voice in music.  funny because its so strange, but it works for their band.  oh yeah, their new cd, catalyst, excellent. 

away from music for a moment, has anyone else realized that the nba playoffs this year have been nothing short of spectacular.  i mean, jesus jones, how many heart attacks have you had so far?

love exists in forms and in phases, and ive reached a point where i can't be bothered.  seriously ladies, unless your name is nadia and you come from germany, and want to explore the foundations of the english language in bed, im not down.

and its all downhill from here...

Current Mood: great thanks to this song
Current Music: new found glory - catalyst